Bean Burger

I’ve had a little dream.

I suspect that it finds its source in Shadowrun: Dragonfall, a cool little turn based strategy game with rpg elements that I finished around Christmas time while I was back in Scotland.

Anyway, for whatever reason I’ve had this urge to build myself a little garden, possibly on a flat rooftop somewhere, and kit it out with a vegetable patch and a clutch of solar panels. I think this sentiment grew out of the game, as that is very much the aesthetic of the Kreusbazaar, the game’s central environment, a tough little anarchist state holding its own in the sea of violence and exploitation that surfaced in the wake of Berlin’s Dracopocalypse.

Around the same time I was eating a lot of bean burgers. There was a stand at the Edinburgh’s Christmas Market, just down the strip from the waffle stand run by a gang of South German accountants and lawyers, that sold a wide selection of burgers, and we learned to get along well with them selling vegetarian food and my rarely having time to make my own lunch.

So if I had a rooftop garden I feel like, climate permitting, I’d probably grow beans.

And I made a bean burger for myself, which is tangentially connected to all this babble and rather more so to the title of this article. Why it is I seem to feel the need to misdirect so aggressively in my opening statements is a facet of myself I am yet to understand.

So there was a bean burger. The bean mix functioned a bit more like a spread than a burger, but it turned out pretty well.

Instructions!

Fry your beans in oil, and then mash them to a paste with a fork in the pan. Throw in some finely chopped onion.

Spread the mix onto an English Muffin, or whatever bread product you have handy.

Fry a strip of firm tofu in oil, and put this on the bean mix like a cute little soy steak (omg! so cute!)

Add sweet chilli sauce.

Eat.

Use glucose extracted by your digestive system to collapse Australia’s monstrous government and attend celebratory drinks in quorganism’s solar bean garden.

Enjoy your week, imaginary readers.

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A General Update, and the Refried Bean Secret

Hi again imaginary readers.

Given your loyal following, I figured I should fill you in on how things are going in my little corner of the world, and perhaps give some explanation for recent behavioural trends.

You’ll probably have noticed I’ve mostly been smashing out a lot of roleplay related stuff and most recently a little zeitgeist article; basically, stuff that I can write easily without having to leave my chair. You’ll also notice a fairly substantial decline in my recent foodie posts. The reason for that is that I’ve largely been eating lentils and jack all else, which I figure doesn’t make great reading.

Now, these are just symptoms in honesty.

The reason for the shut in lifestyle is that, with my partner and I having just moved to Melbourne and lacking jobs, we are poor and things like tram travel and interesting ingredients are expensive. So you get the musings I can make without leaving the house.

But! Fear not. That looks set to change fairly soon, and I shall keep you updated on our various adventures when we have a workable budget to go places and do things again.

Why? Because I’ve been reading the Necronomicon. Coincidence? No longer my call. Ask Yog Sothoth.

Anyway… Here’s another photo to whet your appetiteswpid-20150521_173945.jpg

This place is so damn neo-Gothic. I look up at night and see the city from Gargoyles.

Anyway, on to the second part of the post that I promised you in the title, with the attention grabbing sub-heading of…

My BEANZZZ!

Thanks for the intro, LSP.

Photo "Lumpy Space Princess", courtesy of The Convention Fans Blog on Flickr.
Photo “Lumpy Space Princess”, courtesy of The Convention Fans Blog on Flickr.

Anyway, having worked out what was missing in my chilli, but being unable to locate the canned refried beans my pal in the UK uses in my new environs, I had to make my own.

Instructions:

1 – Get red kidney beans. Canned are good, but if you get dried you’ll probably have to soak them.

2- Fry the beans. Then mash them to a beany paste.

The instructions are on the can, if we’re being totally fuskin honest with ourselves.

Anyway, I’ll leave you with my recipe for tasty vegetarian bean chilli.

The Recipe Aforementioned

Refry your beans!

Annihilate one onion and one capsicum into pieces, tiny parodies of their original form!

Put them in the pan of frying with the once-beans!

Add tomatoes similarly destroyed! Leave no portion upon portion!

Add red lentils for bulk as you desire, but remember that once the lentils have arrived, they cannot be escaped…

Pour hence water, boiling in fury!

Add the mystic powder! (Now, I know its kind of cheating to use the store bought stuff, but fusked if i can nut out what’s in it… the closest approximation I can manage so far is a combo of cumin, paprika, pepper, lime juice and Cajun style roux…)

Stir with an instrument hewn from the flesh of a tree!

Serve upon an altar of rice or crunchy corn chips! With cheese…

And, there you have it. A feed fit for Azathoth himself. Well, I guess that puts it in league with everything else in the material universe, but hey. Its good vego chilli.

I begin to fear that I’ve been shut in too long.

Photo "Red Beans", courtesy of Guy Hatton on Flickr.
Photo “Red Beans”, courtesy of Guy Hatton on Flickr.

Once again, photos have been used under a Creative Commons Attribution Share-Alike Non-Commercial agreement, so as I’ve said many times I ain’t making money out of this blog, and you can butcher it and use it however you like as long as the relevant folks are credited, you stay unpaid and LSP ain’t altered.

And Azathoth won’t make you any money either. Though props to the first person to send me some Lovecraftian Romantic Comedy fan fiction. I will send possibly interesting comments in exchange.